i find very peaceful as i was editing the photo here in the library it made me cry because i made myself a promise i would be there for the birth of all of my children. victor jr. being my first born son made is especially meaningful to me. as i was abandoned by my father when i was about a few days old. I've spent all of my life with out a father. I've found peace in looking up to men that were influential in my child hood development and in the shaping of my identity as a youth. i don't miss him i mean its funny how I've seen him in pictures and i look exactly like him. which leads to my next promise that i swore to myself on pain of death that i will always be there for every soccer game, every graduation , all the dirty diapers , every single moment in my sons life and all of my other future children lives. every day i look in the mirror i see the reflection of my father which is a reminder to my self to be better to be a better father than he ever was and to own up to my duties as a man. i always thought that i wanted to know my father when i was younger but the truth is that i realized that i am happy that i grew up with out a father , i had father figures . furthermore these two major factors are what shaped me into who i am today. as i write this i realize that i never had the profound pleasure to say these words “I Love You DAD” tears rip themselves out of my eyes as i know one day i will hear those words from my very own son and to be honest it will moss likely be the highlight of my life. i will leave you with the way this photo makes me feel which is proud to be my son’s father.
this photo makes me feel happy and joyful as to when this photo was taken which was Christmas as i profoundly (i was 7years old) remember when i opened up a present which was a itchy wool sweater that my mom got me when i was like five and i loved this sweater i even told my mom it wasn't itchy just so she wouldn't return it for a different sweater.
i captured on a cold winter night, i find serenity with this moment i capture due to the fact that i walked a mile & a half just to capture this photo at midnight at one of my favorite places to meditate in the city.